Because I am too exhausted to think…

We spent the day super-cleaning because the family is coming tomorrow.  So today all I have to offer you are these jokes  (which I totally stole) – I laughed, I hope you do to –

It’s the 1700’s. Two men are standing back to back with their single-shot pistols at the ready.
First man, “Why are we doing this?”
Second man, “Because you dishonored me. And also because I hate your stupid pun jokes!”
First man, “I see. So it’s a duel purpose.”

The first cat was getting ready to fly into space.
Then someone told the cat that space was a vacuum.

Does anyone remember the chiropractor joke I told about a week back?

You know how when you try to pronounce the names of your medications and accidentally summon a demon instead?

I was at a carnival with my grandson and asked him if he wanted to go into the crazy house.
He said save your money, we’ll be home soon.

I walked into a friend’s room and there was a lamp sitting on an IKEA side table box. He said he figured out you don’t actually have to assemble those things.

When a kid says, “Daddy, I want mommy”. That’s the kid version of, “I’d like to speak to your supervisor”.

I don’t need a mood ring.
I have a face.

You know you’re old when you clean to the music you used to drink to.

Did you realize that if you sit on the toilet at 11:59 and the clock strikes midnight, it’s the same shit, different day?

I’m good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.

As a kid, did you ever knock on people’s doors and run away before they could answer? Well, guess what, UPS is hiring.

Him: I got bitten on my walk by a Great Dane.
Her: My God, imagine if it had been a small child.
Him: I could have fought off a small child.

I’m looking for the book Ventriloquism for Dummies.

If any of you non-rich people want to go to space for 10 minutes, I know a good brownie recipe.

Apparently, it’s rude to poke someone in the forehead and say “skip intro” when they start talking to you.

9 thoughts on “Because I am too exhausted to think…

  1. I am just writing several days later to say that I hope you are doing well today. Saturday.
    You closed comments on the last couple posts!
    So, me being a little stubborn, I edged my way in here on an old post to speak to you.
    You can tell me to piss off or whatever.. but I will find a way to wish you well on any given day! Dammit.
    You know what…. I was JUST writing on my own blog about stubborn-ass women who piss me off.
    I swear, Grace, if you were my age….I’d be absolutely in love with you, and you’d piss me off and break my heart. Ha!
    Thank you for continuing to help me eat. Passively. Sometimes I read your old blog for meals but other times lately I gotta do my blog thing cuz I am stressed. Either way I continue to enjoy the writing on your old blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Comments were closed on my last post because I knew people would ask about the ability, well I closed comments after my friends, who should KNOW, asked. If I wanted to explain more I would have in the post *sigh* Other than that, comments are closed after 14 days…Hey, like I said before, you can always email me LOL Always happy to hear from you.

      Thanks for the very lovely compliments – all of them – food, writing and otherwise.

      Liked by 1 person

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