I don’t suppose anyone in therapy ever gives much thought to how their therapist feels, especially after an intense emotional session. Your therapist takes on your problems and pain, carries them with her/him, which is why all therapists have therapists.
You offload your stuff on to your therapist and she/he must then off-load your stuff, and all the other patient’s stuff and their own personal stuff because no one can carry all that pain and trauma, onto another therapist. And it goes on and on – I wonder if there comes a time when there are no more therapists to carry this weight. Is there a saturation point – both for an individual and for the therapeutic community as a whole?
The only reason I bring this up is – I had a bad day; a day when I was deeply depressed; a day when my usual anxiety over everything, past, present and future ramped up to magnum force. I wished for someone to talk to but who? I don’t have a therapist to spill this all out to and I sure as hell wouldn’t dump it all on a friend (even if I had any I could). I can’t handle all the crap in my head how would anyone else?
I thought to just write it all out on the blog and turn off comments because I don’t want anyone commiserating but I did want to be seen and heard with no input from anyone because, let’s face it, there is no way to help. My crap, my problem.
I don’t remember what distracted me but the worst of the mood lifted, it’ll be back, anxiety is my middle name, often my first name – it’s who I am.
Perhaps thinking about what therapists have to deal with made me shake it off, counting myself lucky that I only have to deal with MY crap.
Anyway, as much said as I’m comfortable with, and I don’t think too much for y’all to roll your eyes at.