I suppose I could be just as annoying as everyone else

Throughout this whole virus mishegoss I occasionally whined about all the whiners. Aside from a bit of trouble getting bread and milk last March the lockdown and restrictions have had NO affect on my life at all. None. Zero. Zip. Nada. Ninguno.

Sure, sure, I’ve put off an eye exam and re-scheduled my opthamologist appointment (those are two different things in my world, my opthamologist doesn’t do refraction exams). Somehow eye exams are a little too up-close and personal. My poor husband has had only two professional haircuts in this past year. I’ve done a little hair housekeeping for him, and as for myself, I always cut my on hair so no change there.

First it was all about getting tested for the virus, then last December when the first vaccines became available, there was this crazy frenzied (is that redundant?) bitching and moaning about how hard it was to score some drugs. Fast forward into January and then the beginning of February and there was the crowing and bragging and the Nanny-Nanny-Boo-Booing of those who got their vaccinations. Oy! It really annoyed me.

I didn’t register us (my husband and I, both 74 years old with underlying medical conditions) until the beginning of February. A week after I registered with the county the state hi-jacked the vaccination system. Supposedly those who had registered with their counties would get automatically rolled into the state registration. I checked, we weren’t, so I registered again, that was about 2 weeks ago.

Last week the Johnson & Johnson vaccine was approved – a one and done vaccine. My husband said – “I want that one”. I said “We’ll take what we get but we probably won’t get an appointment until May or June, so…”

Last night I checked my email around 7:20pm and there was an email from the state health department – we were being offered vaccination appointments. Not only that but at the top of the list of the three locations we could access was a place about a half-mile away and it was dispensing the J&J vaccine. Score.

I immediately made my husband turn on his computer and access his email and he had the same one. I had him accept the invitation and we got consecutive appointments. Saturday, March 6th, 11:30am and 11:45am. I was so excited!

So now I know what all all those nanny-nanny-boo-boo people were feeling. This morning my excitement has abated. It is all just ho-hum. My only concern is what time to leave the house to get there on time but not too early because despite the vaccination location being a mere ten minute walk from here we will have to take an Uber – my husband can’t walk that far – and you never know how long it will take for an Uber to respond – especially when we are going such a short distance.

Have I now joined the ranks of the annoying?

Sunrise, Sunset, Some Junk

~ I’ve noticed the days get longer, well, the day doesn’t get any longer, still 24 hours, but it gets dark later in the day. I’m writing this at 6:30am and it is still dark out, the sun isn’t up yet, well it is but from where I live I can’t see it yet. Daylight Savings Time will soon be upon us and I hate it.

Not just the PITA that changing all the clocks is, but that sunset comes later in the day. That it is light out until close to 8pm. And that the sunrise is also later in the day. I like the sun and the light early in the day. While I am not a morning person, it seems, for some unknown reason, that I get up, feeling rested, quite early. This morning I was out of bed at 4:45am (don’t you just love digital clocks?)

The birds were late this morning, the mourning doves didn’t begin hooting until about a half hour ago, the cawing crows mere minutes ago. They are late. All through the Winter the birds were busy and noisy by 5am.

I like the sun to be setting by 6pm. By 7 it should be almost gone. 7pm is night time, it should be dark. Our apartment faces West so we enjoy the sunsets but never see the moon and afternoons our apartment is flooded with light – which is nice but in the Summer it’s too much too late.

I like light in the morning. I like to wake up to light. And with this weird new schedule of mine, getting up so early, it is even more imperative to me that I have the sun in the morning and the moon at night. And yes, that’s a song!

~ Pop Tarts.  They have their own web site it seems. I didn’t grow up with pop tarts, and I can’t remember when I first ate one. They are the most junkiest of junk food, and unlike other junk food, they don’t even taste good. Two pieces of cardboard with the most artificial tasting artificial filling. Some have some gross rock hard crud coating them which is described as frosting.  And yet –

I find myself craving Pop Tarts. I do toast them, then make slits in them and add butter. Oh yum! No, not yum, Not yum at all.  They are gross and disgusting. They are sugary cardboard crap. They are a total waste of my precious daily calorie count. I WILL NOT succumb to my irrational craving for them.

And yet, I find myself craving Pop Tarts. What the hell is wrong with me?

Periodically I go

through a phase where I withdraw.

I have very limited interactions with the world in real life, which is why this whole lock-down, virus isolation thing has had no affect on me. The only friends I have are internet friends, the only contact I have with the outside world is via the internet so that is what I am withdrawing from – at least in the limited way I have been involved thus far.

I’ve never been one for FB participation or Twitter or even Instagram. Over the years with FB I have deleted my account, changed my name and identity and acquired and then deleted ‘friends’. I currently have something like 12 ‘friends’, at my max involvement I think it was 37 (ok, that’s an odd number to pull out of the air).

A kabillion years ago when I started blogging I had more readers and commenters and more involvement in the blogging world – now I have few readers, few commentators and I don’t think there really is a blogging community.

I’m not complaining, not really, because any loss of  interaction is my, what shall we call it, fault? I have changed my blog name, url, platform so many, many times over the years. always looking for something new, more fun, a different identity.

Some personas I outgrew, like Dragonsalley. I’ve had a thing about dragons since I was a child and now, and for sometime, they don’t have a place in my world, real or imagined. I don’t relate to them anymore.

I’m still loving Margot Flutterby and I wish I had the guts to be her but I’m already an outlier and Margot is so far out there and totally unrelatable to anyone except me.

I used to post a link to blog posts on FB, I won’t be doing that anymore. I used to post photos on Instagram of my cat, but she’s gone. Maybe I’ll take one photo a day of something or other and post that on Instagram. What I like about IG is that one doesn’t really have so spend much time with it – and what I don’t like about IG is that one doesn’t really have to spend much time with it. There is no conversation, no discussions and lord knows I love me a good discussion.

Actually there is no discussion anywhere on the interwebz anymore – blog comments used to be a real pleasure – now the only comments that are welcome are agreeable ones – don’t dare offer a different opinion or another POV, it’s their blog after all and if you want to have an opinion then start your own blog. So much for a discussion.

Sometimes I’ve gotten annoyed, not publicly, when people comment on aspects of a post that were of the least importance, but I realize that people comment on what they can relate to. I think “No one got my point”. Well, maybe they did and they just don’t care LOL

Anyway, I’ve never written to educate others but rather to educate myself, mostly about myself. I can sometimes step back and look at who I’ve been and be interested, or confused, about who I was, or am, and how I got this way.

One of the dead horses I continue to beat is that I’ve yet to come across someone like me. Why am I always looking for someone like me? A yearning to belong? As much as I am inured to not belonging anywhere I think the desire, even need to belong, is an essential one. Does anyone really want to be the lone ranger?

Eh…

Idle thoughts while doing the laundry this morning

Twice a week I get up at the crack of dawn to do laundry. I don’t have a washer/dryer in my apartment but rather we have 2 community laundry rooms on each floor. My mind wanders as I go through the automatic motions of laundry,

I almost always have music playing in my head and the early morning hours usually inspire old time hymns. It seems you can leave the church but the church doesn’t leave you. This morning it was “We Gather Together”.  I never think about why one song or another is on my mental playlist, they just show up.

As I was folding my old, beat-up, ill-fitting clothes I was thinking about the ‘old’ days, and for me that is the 50’s, 60’s and even into the 70’s. The old days when we would get dressed up to go to the doctor. The old days when traveling was a luxury experience and one dressed accordingly. Now we wear our most comfortable clothes when taking a plane but back in the day, hoo-boy, you broke out your best and brightest. And long distance trains rides? Another occasion for your Sunday best.

And speaking of your Sunday best – No matter how poor you were you still had ‘Sunday’ clothes. You only wore them for the few hours it took to get to church and get back home, then everything was spiffed up and put away until next week. You got into your ‘play’ clothes right quick. Do Not scuff those Sunday shoes!

And remember how ‘Sunday’ clothes got recycled? Sunday shoes got rotated to ‘school’ shoes as your school shoes got rotated to ‘play’ shoes. ‘Sunday’ shoes were the only new shoes you ever got and they were always one or two sizes too big when new, you know, so you could grow into them and they could be recycled. Same with coats – Sunday to school to play.

Oh my goodness, it just dawned on me – we are coming up to Easter, aren’t we? Easter clothes! New shoes, a dress, perhaps a Spring coat and a hat – these then became your ‘new’ Sunday clothes for the year.

And just this minute as I searched for a closing paragraph I thought “These mindless activities are triggers for a meander through pleasant memories” and then I thought “These are the times when you are told to be mindful, be in the moment” But – as I keep saying, if you are mindful, aware of the moment, you lose the pleasant meandering. Mind meanderings and day dreaming – music and memories – I can’t think of a better way to spend a little time.

Miscellaneous Mishegoss

~ Sometimes you just want to read good writing; you just want to settle into, and revel in the words. To that end I’m reading “Brief Lives” by Anita Brookner. Or should I say re-reading, turns out I read this very book 4 years ago.

I’ve been reading a series of books by a particular author, same cast of characters, the crew of the Belfast murder squad. As murder/crime books go, not horrible but the author churns out like 2 a year and the plots kinda repeat themselves, as do some of the criminals. I needed GOOD writing, nay even GREAT writing so I remembered Anita Brookner.

What is it about language used well that is so mesmerizing? There is no complex plot to this story, it doesn’t tear along but, BUT, you just merge with the words. I put the book down reluctantly, it’s not the story I’m all involved in, it’s the words. Or is it the story and  the way it’s told that makes it so involving. Plus this woman has an astounding vocabulary. Just to read an intelligent story written by someone who is a master of the language without being a pedantic bore…Pure pleasure.

~ It’s been six weeks since Miss Frankie left us and I miss her something awful. I miss her in particular but I also miss having a cat living with us. You don’t realize what a lot of work cats are until you don’t have to do it.  The accommodations in your daily life you make, all the space you have now that cat trees, steps, dishes, blankets, toys are gone. But also the laughter – I always said “What do people do for laughs if they don’t have cats?”  Now I have no cats.

~ In the past week I kept reading about people bemoaning that they were getting old and by old they were talking 60. 60? That ain’t old, not even close. I wouldn’t mind being 60 again. If they are getting all depressed about 60 I can’t imagine what they will be moaning about when they are 70 or 75 or even older than that – it’s so far down the road for them. It just amused me that they think their life is over, or something. Or there is an urgency, like the clock is ticking more loudly. Maybe it is, but your clock has been ticking since you were born and everything has i’s time. But old? Life over? Opportunities absent? Oh please, get a grip! I’ll be 75 this year and I am still convinced that one of these days I will be living in those castles in the air I keep building.

~ I wouldn’t say I am an insensitive person but gosh oh golly gee whiz folks, when it comes right down to it,  if you’ve seen one sunset/sunrise, you’ve seen them all. Truly you have. I’m not impressed by red skies, show me something new or different, otherwise – I’m just not impressed, I’ve seen it before, almost exactly or near enough. So call me a philistine, a grouch, an insensitive clod with no appreciation for nature or beauty, jaded – fine with me. I never tire of photos of birds tho – show me your birds!

~  Today was another lovely day – the sun was shining! Yay! So I convinced my husband to take a stroll around the parking lot – it’s a big parking lot – it was good to get outside and walk a bit – walking a bit is about all either of can manage but, ya know, something is better than nothing.

I really need to get back to my book…